Entanglement
by heartofkaos
Summary: While dealing with her marital problems, Lou finds strength through an unlikely source. Set after 614.
1. Chapter 1

Mindlessly touching her lips, Lou could still feel the sensation of Caleb's mouth pressed against hers. Her mind was flooded with so many different emotions. She had been overwhelmed with a sickening feeling of guilt once she was alone with her thoughts that evening. She knew that what she should have been feeling was anger and resentment but the truth was far more complicated than that. It wasn't just that she had let the kiss happen but more what the kiss had revealed about her relationship. Until that point the problems between Lou and her husband Peter had been only hovering somewhere deep in her subconscious and in that instant they had become very real and unavoidable. She had been only fooling herself that ignoring them would somehow make the issues go away. She had no choice now but to deal with the situation head on, no more pretending she was fine.

However Lou wasn't quite sure where to start, she could tell Peter about the kiss but that would most likely deviate away from the real problem. She knew Peter would see Caleb as an immediate threat and he had only just gotten over Caleb punching him, this would just cause unnecessary aggravation. If she then were to mention that she hadn't exactly pushed him away either, it would be obvious what Peter would take from that too. The focus of any discussion regarding the situation would become about Caleb and not about the marriage itself. After all Lou knew that Caleb's kiss hadn't made her fall in love him like some fairy-tale romance, she knew those weren't real, her current marital problems proved that. The trouble was the kiss symbolised the fact that she had fallen _out_ of love with Peter and that was far scarier. She was afraid of saying it out loud, knowing her world would fall apart around her the moment those words left her mouth. She wasn't sure she was ready for that, not to mention the impact it would have on the girls.

_Oh my God, the girls_, Thought Lou feeling her heart breaking at the idea of causing them any hurt or anguish. She knew she couldn't keep pretending things were fine just for the kids, that wouldn't help any of them in the long run. It was obvious things were not getting better on their own accord, so prolonging things was only dragging the misery out further. That was it, Lou thought, she felt miserable in her marriage. Katie and Georgie were the lights of her life and her very reason for being but as a wife she couldn't feel any more alone in a dark place. Peter never understood, she had tried to mention their issues recently and he all but turned it around on her. That somehow she should be more appreciative, that she was perhaps to blame for the situation. This time she would be to blame however, she knew without any doubt that Peter would be right about that. Whatever happened next would be Lou's choice, once she had decided what she actually wanted.

_Caleb_, she couldn't help but involuntarily drift back to thoughts of him. She shook her head in disbelief, was she really thinking about Caleb in that way? She had been sure she didn't have feelings for him when he'd implied that she had; now she was uncertain. She could admit to herself that she enjoyed being around him though, as he had a sort of calming influence and given her tendency to be slightly highly-strung at times; his presence brought a welcome relief. He also surprisingly gave good advice and was always building her up to believe in herself, that she could do things she was unsure of. It was almost impossible not to feel good around Caleb; his care-free nature was infectious. Not to mention just how brilliant he had been with Georgie, being able to relate to her effortlessly which lead him to help her learn how to play the recorder she had been struggling with. He was even confident around little Katie. He really was the fatherly type Lou mused. Then there were his eyes that would look at Lou, mixed with concern, caring and admiration; who wouldn't want to be looked at like that every day, she began imagining. _Whoa! Stop right there Lou_, she internally chided herself, I am not thinking about it, about him any more, that is a road I am not going down, won't go down. Feeling a little more in control of her emotions, Lou decided to grab some coffee in the kitchen with the hopes someone else's problems could distract her from her own.


	2. Chapter 2

The kitchen was eerily quiet when Lou entered, not what she had been hoping for at all. She poured herself some coffee and paced around the room, surely someone will come in soon with some sort of drama, Lou thought to herself. The shrill sound of the phone ringing cut through the silence like an alarm bell causing Lou to practically jump, as she neared the phone she started to fill with dread. The likelihood of it being Peter on the other end of the line was very high and she still hadn't decided whether to tell Peter about Caleb's kiss or not and even if she did, she couldn't tell him that over the phone, could she? Lou pondered as she lifted the receiver.

"_Peter... Hi honey_" Lou grimaced at her over enthusiastic pitch.

She felt a pang of guilt at using their usual term of endearment, it somehow felt wrong after her recent thoughts. Whilst putting herself through the wringer, she failed to even listen to what Peter was saying. _Had he even noticed? Does he know something is wrong? Is something wrong?_ Lou was really thinking herself into a state of panic. She could feel the pressure closing in on her mind, like a vice clamped around her head squeezing tighter and tighter with every thought. She felt like she was about to explode.

"Caleb kissed me" Lou blurted out, immediately wishing the ground would swallow her up.

It was almost impossible to make out what Peter had actually said next - it was a whirlwind of rage that would inevitably lead to a path filled with destruction and heartache. Lou tried to calm him down to little or no effect. She had a lit a fuse and nothing she could say right now would diminish the fall-out from this little bombshell. She knew another fight would be coming and Peter was not going to like what she had to say, that she knew for sure. Now wasn't the time for that. She had instantly regretted the way she had blind-sided Peter with the kiss over the phone, which she had only told him for her own peace of mind - If he knew about it, perhaps it would lessen her guilt some. Lou was aware how selfish it was but what was done was done. She'd have to deal with the consequences of that decision. In the end, Peter had hung up on Lou and she didn't blame him for that, it was what she felt she deserved. It wasn't too difficult to think it was a little more symbolic than just that.

The following day Lou hadn't heard any more from Peter and she hadn't tried to contact him either. She just couldn't think of what to say, she really needed to see him in person to try explain what had actually happened. It wasn't easy to convey feelings over the telephone as Lou was well aware and if she was being completely honest, it was easier to avoid the subject all-together when the only way she could talk to Peter was over the phone. She may _need_ to talk to him face to face but that wasn't what Lou wanted to do right now. She couldn't face it, she just needed to get through the day. It was easy enough to go on as normal simply because no-one could see that things weren't right between them, no-one heard the exchange between them, and it was almost like nothing was ever really said. Her married life had always felt separate from her life at Heartland. Here everything appeared to be as it always had and in her heart Lou knew that was the root of the problem.

She never imagined this was how married life should be… or would be. Once again heading to bed alone, drained from a long stressful day. She sat down on the empty bed and pulled her knees up close to her chest, as if giving herself the hug she so badly needed. Katie had been testing her patience all day, as toddlers often do while asserting their new-found independence. Lou was beating herself up about being a little short some in response to what she had felt at the time was just Katie being awkward. Re-running the moments over and over in her mind, Lou felt guilty to her core. Punishing herself mentally for her reactions, her words, her everything. She couldn't help but think she was failing miserably as a mother. She was still struggling to relate to Georgie, while everyone else could so effortlessly and that was weighing her confidence down immensely. Between questioning her skills as a parent and her obvious issues in her marriage, Lou was really drowning under her self-inflicted pressure. She really needed someone to lean on, to help ease the load and boost her self-esteem, all without her ever having to ask for help - Lou didn't do asking for help. Holding her head in her hands, Lou broke down in silent gut-wrenching tears as the reality began to dawn on her.

Lou had married the wrong man.


	3. Chapter 3

After putting Katie down for her morning nap, Lou finally had a chance to mull things over. This was her chance to decide what she should do about her confession to Peter and how far she wanted to take their future discussion now she had come to the conclusion that perhaps they shouldn't be together. Was she really prepared for what that would entail? Could she really see herself as a single mother? Lou was beginning to doubt her own mind. This was bigger than just her and knowing it would have a knock on effect to those directly around her made her sway towards the easy way out. She could just continue as she had been recently and hold it together for her family. It felt too selfish to want a way out of the situation, to put her needs first above her children went against her ingrained motherly instincts. After all, it wasn't like she hadn't loved Peter before, maybe she could find a way to fall in love with him all over again, to reconnect. Just as her thoughts had gone full circle, she spotted an unfamiliar car out the window.

Welcoming the distraction Lou went outside to greet whoever it was, she hadn't been expecting any guests for the dude ranch so she was curious as to who it may be. As she walked down the steps, she looked up to see Peter getting out from what was now obviously a rental car. Lou's heart sank, knowing that this would be her day of reckoning. She held her breath and waited for Peter to say something.

"Lou, we need to talk" Peter stated, cutting to the chase, while collecting his bag and walking towards the house.

Lou simply nodded and led the way inside, "Katie's having her nap..." She offered as way of accepting Peter's suggestion of a talk.

Looking uncomfortable and unsure where he should position himself, Peter rested his hands on the back of an empty dining chair as if needing the extra support to stand through what was coming next. The weighted silence engulfed the room as neither wanted to be the first to speak. Lou started to pace a little restlessly by the kitchen sink feeling a paralysing anxiety wash over her while considering pouring them both coffee just to break free of the tension, it was getting too much to bear.

"We can't go on like this..." Peter finally said, "_I_ don't want to go on like this" he clarified, waiting for the pending onslaught.

"I know, I know" Lou agreed quietly with distinct defeat in her tone.

This was far from the reaction that Peter had been expecting, Lou could see the shock in his expression. If she were honest, she had surprised herself too. Her usual need to argue in her own defence had abandoned her, she couldn't muster the fire in her stomach to attack. She could only listen to her forthcoming fate completely disarmed.

"I think we need to take a break," Peter continued on, "Things between us haven't been working for a while now regardless of our attempts to fix it. You're here and I'm away in Vancouver. Our lives are already separate and have been for some time. When I am here I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, this isn't my home or even our home... it's _your_ home... and _your_ family"

"Wait, what? Are you saying you are leaving me?" Lou interrupted to ask, caught in disbelief.

Was she really hearing him clearly? Although Lou had doubted her relationship and feelings towards Peter recently, this wasn't what she had expected to happen and she wasn't sure she really wanted it to either. Lou felt like the wind had just been knocked from her sails and her mind was spinning out of control. Beginning to feel a little light headed and disorientated, she stepped back to lean on the counter for support while she tried to gather her composure. It was starting to feel like a bad dream but she knew this was real, very real indeed. Peter was leaving her. She felt sick to her very core.

"Yes Lou... I am" Peter confirmed, with conviction. "Look I know this is a lot to take in. I will be staying at the motel in town tonight before heading back to Vancouver, if you want to talk about this more before I leave but I don't think there is anything else to say really."

"Nothing else to say?" Lou snapped, coming out of her dreamlike daze. "What about Katie, what about Georgie? How about explaining just how out the blue this decision is? You're just going to walk out on us, abandon us, without saying anything more? I think there's plenty more you have to say!"

Lou was getting more worked up with every word, anger screaming through her veins. Peter's announcement had awoken Lou's need to save her marriage. Now that it was really on the line, she was going to fight for it. Her previous doubts had been nothing more than lonely thoughts and without any real substance, _hadn't they_? This was her life, her family, her husband. She was crying now, tears streaming down her face. She was confused, unsure how this had all unfolded. It felt sudden and overwhelming.

"_Of course_ we have to talk about the girls" Peter agreed pointedly, a little annoyed at Lou's implication that he didn't care about them. "However I don't think that we should discuss that right now, I think you need to process everything first. I love the girls and nothing will change that and I will continue to be in their lives no matter what."

Attempting to dry her tears and appear strong in spite of how she felt, Lou nodded silently and looked towards the door to suggest that now was his cue to leave. She watched defiantly as Peter walked out the door at Heartland for possibly the last time. When she heard his car door closing, she couldn't hold herself together any longer and broke down completely - crumbling to the floor in a pool of inconsolable tears.


	4. Chapter 4

Although just over a week had passed since Peter had dropped the bomb-shell he was leaving her, Lou was struggling to remember anything that had happened since then. She was vaguely aware that Jack had helped her up off of the kitchen floor that morning. After that everything was blurry as if she were looking back through foggy glass. The one moment she would never forget was the image of Georgie as she explained the separation to her, it was devastating. Katie was too young to understand that anything would be any different and Lou was partly thankful for that - at least it was one small mercy in this horrible situation.

The whole family had been a blessing to her, helping her through it in any way that they could. Amy had taken Georgie under her wing so that Lou only had to cope with Katie. Of course she couldn't help but feel selfish for concentrating on her own grief and not focusing on how Georgie was coping. She knew she was wallowing in self-pity but was unable to snap herself out of it. She needed to heal so that she could be of any use to Georgie but that didn't make her feel any less an awful parent. She was aware that Georgie was healing through being around the horses and it did give Lou a little bit of comfort but she wished she was the one making things better for Georgie. Everyone had been helping out around the house with chores to make Lou's load a little easier while she came to terms with it all. She was so grateful even though she was sure she didn't come across that way most of the time, irritable from sleepless nights and misdirected anger were becoming her norm.

Lou had so many questions to Peter about the situation. It was hard to not to wonder about the real reason behind his sudden need for freedom. She knew there had been strains in their relationship but she always felt he never noticed them until she pointed them out, usually resulting in an argument. She didn't even feel it was triggered by her admission of Caleb's kiss as he didn't even mention that in person. It all seemed very abrupt.

Lou was beginning to become a little paranoid and it was easy for her to jump to the conclusion that perhaps Peter had found someone else. She could admit to herself that she had fallen out of love with Peter, so it wouldn't be unrealistic to think he may have done the same with her. She wasn't ready to find out if that were the case. Things were complicated and confusing enough without the extra issues. She had been prepared to try again, she could remember calling Peter up and trying to change his mind… begging him to reconsider. Lou felt so worthless, so weak and beneath herself. What had she succumbed to?

"Lou I really think you should get out the house for a while" Jack suggested, interrupting Lou's thoughts.

"Grampa, I really think I should stay here" replied Lou in a slight panic. "What if Katie or Georgie needs me? Or there's a booking for the Dude Ranch? Or…"

"Lou… come on now, this isn't doing you any good being cooped up in here. Go have a coffee at Maggie's and I will watch Katie. The house won't fall down without you, I will call if anything happens" Jack said with a warm smile, knowing Lou's need to feel needed.

Lou resigned herself to her grandfather's instructions and headed into town. This was the first time she'd left Heartland since everything happened and as she walked into the diner, she couldn't help but feel self-conscious. Lou felt as if everyone was staring at her, whispering about Peter leaving. Truth be told, Lou had felt completely humiliated by the situation and didn't want to be around anyone but family. This had been a bad idea. Lou uncharacteristically put her head down and about-turned to head back out the way she came. She could feel her eyes welling up as she left Maggie's and as the fresh air hit her, a single tear escaped, running down her hallowed cheek.

"Lou… is everything alright?" asked a concerned, yet familiar voice from the roadside.

_Caleb, just what I need_. Lou thought to herself sarcastically. _Could this moment get any worse_? She mused. It wasn't his fault but she couldn't help but feel he was partly to blame for what happened.

"What are you doing here?" Lou rebutted, unable to hide her disdain.

Although acutely aware of Lou's animosity, Caleb chose to ignore it. Clearly something had upset her and he wasn't going to get reeled into an argument that he had no clue the reason for and make things worse for her. Caleb knew that Lou wouldn't let her guard down in public usually unless it was something significant. So, he smiled with surrender, while tipping his hat towards her as he let her go on her way without causing a fuss.


	5. Chapter 5

As Caleb made his way through the tables at Maggie's on route to the counter, he was ambushed out of nowhere.

"Oh my God, was that Lou that just left here?" Mallory gasped; mouth wide open awaiting a response.

"Uhm, Hey Mallory, ye..." was all he could say before Mallory continued.

"That's like the first time she's left the house since it happened, she did look a little un-Lou-like didn't she? Puffy round the eyes a bit, un-brushed hair. Maybe she's not been sleeping, she'll get dark circles soon and that won't help her find someone, she'll end up a sad old cat lady... with panda eyes..."

"Woah, back up there a bit Mallory, since what happened?" Caleb asked completely baffled.

"_Hello_... Lou's pending divorce! How could you not know that? Don't they have phones wherever you've been?"

Caleb grabbed an empty bar stool and sat while Mallory talked his ears off with what she knew, or rather what she thought she knew, about what went on between Lou and Peter. He was relieved when Maggie's got busy, so that Mallory was occupied and he could make his escape. He'd began to regret staying to hear her long-winded version of events but he also had a narcissistic need to know more about Lou being single. Caleb's stomach began to twist with guilt at the very thought.

Was he _really_ feeling a flutter of excitement on hearing of Lou's newly single status? Caleb shook his head to himself, _no it wasn't that_, he thought. Knowing the pain and turmoil she would be no doubt putting herself through made Caleb's heart ache for her - he wanted to make everything better for Lou. That's all he had ever really wanted, wasn't it? He had tried to help her recently, when Peter was unavailable and that somehow lead to kissing Lou before he left for the road. He had tried not to think about Lou when he was on the circuit, it would be a distraction he didn't need, a very dangerous distraction at that. However, he was home now and with all this new information the flood gates had opened - he was going to have to do some thinking before setting foot at Heartland again.

If he were being honest with himself, Caleb didn't really like Peter all that much. He didn't understand him at all. Caleb still felt a little bit of satisfaction at the thought of punching Peter - even more so now. He knew that hitting him wasn't the answer to Lou's problems but in the heat of the moment he couldn't help himself when Peter smirked at him; he'd seemed so smug. Later he had allowed Peter to punch him back to make things even and clear the air. He wasn't sure what would happen now if he saw Peter, especially if Lou had told him that Caleb has kissed her. He was going to need a calm head and avoid everyone until it all blew over just in case.

His instinct was to head home to the trailer but then he realised that he may run into Ty there and he couldn't face him. He wasn't sure if anyone knew about the kiss with Lou, if he were even to blame for any of what happened to her marriage. The guilt of that was beginning to eat away at his conscience, there was a distinct possibility he could have caused this anguish for Lou. The timing suggested he may have played a part, even if it were a small part. Caleb really did not want to be a home wrecker - despite his earlier actions. He hadn't been thinking clearly at the time, caught up in the moment, he had enjoyed feeling part of a family, being needed and perhaps even _wanted_. It was what he longed for - A wife and family to take care of, to matter to and be loved by. Caleb didn't ask for much in life but he had a big heart that he wanted to share and it had caused him to get carried away with himself. The consequences of that had possibly caused someone he cared about to lose everything they dreamed of and that didn't sit well with Caleb. He would have to do something about that, make it right even if it might cause himself some heartache along the way.

Lost in his thoughts Caleb hadn't realised he had been driving aimlessly on auto-pilot and arrived exactly where he had wanted to avoid – Heartland.

Just as he was about to turn his truck around before anyone saw him, he saw Amy waving at him from atop a horse he didn't recognise. Sheepishly Caleb returned the gesture and continued down the track to park up to avoid looking crazy. He took a long deep breath to steel his nerves and got out. As he closed the truck door he was greeted by Ty. There really was no getting out of being at the Ranch now, he would have to make up an excuse for being there and hoped no-one knew what he'd done.


	6. Chapter 6

Lou was tidying the barn office, trying to keep herself busy and her mind occupied. The girls had gone for their first visit to Vancouver with Peter since their split and Lou was taking it hard. She had to continually stop herself from calling Peter just to check up on them, the loss of control was throwing her into a tailspin. She knew that Peter was a really good father and wouldn't let anything happen to Georgie or Katie in his care but that didn't stop Lou's mind from getting carried away imagining things that could go wrong when she wasn't there to stop it, avoid it or just to make them feel better if it did. Her anxiety was reaching breaking point, so she decided to go into the house and have some coffee, in the hope that there would be someone around to distract her.

"Hey, Lou" Ty said in a rush to pass Lou on the steps to the house.

"Ty, you want me to fix you up some lunch?" Lou asked hopefully.

"Sorry Lou, can't stop, got an emergency at the clinic. Scott wants me there right away" Ty answered while rushing passed to his truck.

Feeling a little disheartened that perhaps everyone would be busy like Ty and no-one needed her, Lou went inside anyway. She could smell the freshly brewed coffee and instantly felt a little calmer at being back in the house. It was easy to feel more herself here where everything was warm and homely, her safe haven. She smiled a little to herself as she walked into the kitchen to pour herself some of the intoxicating caffeine.

"Lou... hey... I was just... I mean Ty left and..." Caleb stumbled over his words while he tried to think of something to say in Lou's presence, having been caught off guard and now finding himself alone with her completely unprepared.

Lou starting clearing things off the table, putting the dishes by the sink and folded up the newspaper. Although she was rushing around it felt like a long uncomfortable moment before she replied, as Caleb shuffled on his feet unsure what to do with himself.

"Caleb its fine, sit, finish your coffee. Just don't make a mess." Lou muttered, flapping the newspaper exasperatedly, avoiding looking at him directly. Moving over to the bureau to neaten the paperwork into piles, putting the pens into the holder, letters into a stack. Organising was helping Lou calm her sudden spike in adrenaline, as it often did in times of stress, it was therapeutic to her chaotic mind.

Caleb tentatively pulled out a chair to sit down. He really didn't want to be there right now as he picked up on Lou's obvious agitation at him being in the house but he wasn't about to argue with her when she was in her current state. Caleb had been around Heartland enough to know when Lou was not to be contended with, so he sat and drank his coffee quietly waiting for the right moment to speak – or escape.

Lou was relieved that Caleb was there, although she wasn't going to admit that out loud. She had been managing to keep going and remain strong for the girls while they were around, giving her a reason to keep fighting through the darker spells. She felt empty and lost without them at home and combined with her feelings of abandonment from Peter, left her feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable. Having someone nearby helped Lou keep her pretence up that everything was fine and that she was coping. Lou wasn't comfortable with failing at anything and that's how she felt about her marriage; that she'd failed as a wife. She wasn't sure if Caleb knew about her and Peter and she wasn't willing to volunteer the information and crack open that wound again in front of him – of all people. Thankfully he didn't appear to want to question her on the subject either. She really didn't want to talk in general, she just needed to know someone was there. Lou found Caleb's silence more relaxing than awkward, and his closeness was reassuring.

Starting to feel more in control of herself, Lou finally poured herself the cup of coffee she so badly craved when she first came in and say down across from Caleb at the kitchen table.

"Don't you have work to do out in the barn?" Lou asked pointedly, while looking at Caleb.

Caleb smiled to himself, knowing that whatever had been bothering Lou had passed for the time being as she was now back to her usual bossy self.

"Yes Ma'am" he replied sincerely in his charming cowboy way.

"I don't pay you to sit around drinking cups of coffee all day, go on and get out from under my feet" Lou added snidely while gesturing with her hands for him to move.

Caleb took his cue and left for the barn but not before putting his mug in the sink, he didn't want to trigger Lou to go back into her shell after her earlier warning about no mess. He was satisfied that she was in fact ordering him around at all and that there was no apparent awkwardness over the kiss.

_Maybe she's never given my kiss a second thought,_ Caleb conceded as he walked out the door with disappointment.


	7. Chapter 7

Lou breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the door close behind Caleb. She knew she had been a little hard on him but she had a sudden need for him to leave. His passive nature was beginning to overpower her, she was feeling too relaxed and was about to open up to him before she snapped instead to divert her attention, ordering him out of her sight. She had to admit it also felt good to have some control over something, even if it was to boss Caleb around. She felt a little guilty about using him that way but it was better than the potential conversation they could have had. Lou wasn't ready for more passengers on her emotional train-wreck.

Caleb being back had stirred up some of her feelings from after he kissed her, she felt lonely sure but the hardest part of being on her own was the lack of intimacy. When she would go to bed alone at nights she longed for someone there to wrap her in their arms and tell her everything would be okay. Someone to make the dark nights less daunting. She had caught herself more than once imagining those arms to be Caleb's, knowing how safe he made her feel. She had brushed those thoughts aside in the morning light but seeing Caleb in front of her, it was hard to ignore the possibilities.

As she placed her empty mug by the sink she couldn't help but look out the window over towards the barn to catch a glimpse of Caleb. He was busy unloading feed from the back of Jack's truck. Lou found herself mesmerized by the rhythm Caleb was moving to; he was hard working and strong. Lifting the countless sacks of feed was no easy task and he did so effortlessly. She knew Caleb loved working at Heartland, even if he did grumble about it at times. He would always return after trips on the circuit, looking for work and helping out, sometimes going above his usual duties for the family. Caleb was just as much a part of Heartland as any of them and it was hard to imagine a day when he no longer returned to lend a hand.

It was becoming glaringly obvious to Lou that she needed someone who appreciated Heartland. That wanted to be there and get stuck in with the chores. With Peter she always felt like he was trying to pull her away from her home and everything she held dear. When he was there, she felt like he had one foot out the door ready to get back to his preferred city life. Lou never really wanted to leave, although she was willing to give it a try for Peter. Moving to Dubai went horribly wrong and if Lou were honest she knew that would happen before she left. She had grudgingly welcomed the country life after her return from New York, but now she had finally embraced her roots. She wanted to be with someone who didn't want to change anything about her - especially Heartland.

Lou wasn't aware how long she had been mulling things over. Or how much time had passed while transfixed to Caleb working away. She was certainly startled back to reality when she heard Jack come into the room though.

"Hey Lou, what you up to?" Jack asked casually, as Lisa came in the door behind him.

"Hi Grandpa, Hi Lisa… I was just…" Feeling unusually flustered she couldn't think of an answer on the spot. "I was just… washing up the dishes" She continued, feeling sure they could read her mind.

"I could help you with those if you'd like?" Lisa offered approaching the sink.

Lou began to panic. Lisa was always so perceptive and Lou was convinced she would somehow know what she had been thinking. Lou picked up a plate as if to prove what she had been doing but it slipped from her hands in her absent-mindedness, shattering on the floor. Her eyes grew wide, feeling exposed Lou bent down to pick up the shattered pieces quickly. Accidently cutting her hand on the broken shards in the process.

"Come here Lou, let's take a look at you and get you cleaned up" Jack said in his calm, reassuring tone.

Lisa tidied up the remaining debris from the floor while Jack bandaged up Lou's hand. Lisa went back over to the sink to take over the task of dishes now that Lou couldn't get her hands wet. Lisa couldn't help but feel sympathetic about how Lou had been acting recently, it wasn't hard to guess why Lou had been so jumpy and distracted when they had come in. Lisa wanted to do all that she could to help make things a little bit easier. Settling in to the task at hand, Lisa glanced out the window for something to concentrate on while washing the dishes and couldn't help but see what, or rather who, had caught Lou's undivided attention.


	8. Chapter 8

*Author's note: There are mild sexual themes in this chapter*

* * *

Lou had decided to go back out to the office to hide from Lisa's all-knowing eyes. She also wanted to hide from her own embarrassment, _what am I? A love-struck teenager?! _Lou laughed to herself at the thought. The laughter slowly turned to tears as she began to realise just how much her life had turned on its head. In one fell swoop she had gone from married with kids, to a single mother checking out the stable hand. A romance novel cliché. She really had hit rock bottom. Lou couldn't stop the tears now that her guard was down. Messy, noisy and uncontrollable sobbing escaped her.

"Lou…?" Caleb asked, hesitating near the office door?

He received no reply but he could still hear the sound of her crying. He was debating whether he should allow Lou her privacy. He knew she didn't like people seeing her vulnerable side. However he couldn't just walk away and leave her like that either. He decided he would rather face her potential wrath than to regret ignoring her obvious heartache. Caleb took a deep breath and went into the office.

"Lou…" Caleb repeated, but filled with concern rather than question, noting the bandage on her hand.

On hearing her name, Lou's eyes darted up from her desk to the direction it came from. She hadn't realised who had spoken at first until her red bleary eyes met Caleb's. She quickly tried to recover her composure. Grabbing the scrunched up tissues to hide the evidence and sitting straighter in her chair.

"Are you okay?" Caleb asked, knowing the answer before he spoke.

With those 3 simple words, Lou's remaining walls crashed down around her. Tears were cascading down her cheeks before she could try to stop them. Her body was convulsing with the sheer release of emotion and built up tension. She had been holding onto her despair for far too long, trying to remain strong in front of everyone. Caleb had no hesitation this time. Closing the distance between them in a few swift steps. He touched her shoulder gently as he reached her chair. Looking up towards him, Lou responded by grabbing Caleb's shirt and tugging his waist into her and sobbed into his torso.

Caleb cautiously manoeuvred his way to his knees without breaking Lou's grip on him. Now he was at her level, he slowly wrapped his arms around her, being careful not to startle her. Cupping the back of her head gently in his hand and guiding her to his shoulder. To allow her to lean on him for as long as she needed. Caleb remained silent throughout, he didn't want to interrupt the flow – Lou needed the release. While Lou shook and cried, he simply held her close, trying to hold together what was left of her.

Lou had finally accepted her need to let go. Every wave of misery was met with equal relief. Caleb's embrace was giving her strength. She felt safe and protected in a way she hadn't in a long time - if ever. She had been craving this, the physical closeness – she needed to feel connected again. An anchor to hold her in place throughout the storm.

Her crying was slowing down to little more than a whimper. As she calmed down her senses became acutely aware of Caleb. His cologne was intoxicating, mixed with a hint of natural salty earth were igniting her desires. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body in the area between them. She felt the urge to close the space and be enveloped in his heat. His hand in her hair wasn't helping her control her thirst.

Lou pulled back from the embrace, just far enough so that she could look at Caleb. His eyes looked dark in the dim light, mysterious almost. His cheekbones were highlighted as the shadows filled the hollows of his cheeks. Lou couldn't help but admire just how attractive Caleb really was – and those lips. She had thought of those more than once since he'd kissed her. She yearned for more. As she watched Caleb's mouth she saw his lips part as if he were about to say something and interrupt the moment. Lou leaned forward and kissed him with fierce passion, entwining her fingers in Caleb's hair, holding and commanding him. Caleb obeyed, returning the kiss with raging desire, pulling Lou against him as he stood up. Both of them desperate for more, scattering the stacks of paperwork over the floor as Lou clambered upon the desk. She grabbed Caleb's shirt, opening the first few buttons while he leaned into her, kissing her neck, his hands clutching her back, bringing her ever closer. Lou managed to fully open his shirt and as she went to help him out of it, Caleb suddenly pulled away like he'd been shot. Stepping back from Lou and her touch.

"I can't do this Lou" He declared.


	9. Chapter 9

The atmosphere in the office suddenly felt cold and filled with tension. The silence was heavy in the air as neither of them spoke for a moment, all that could be heard was the sound of their breathing and the horses in the barn. Lou was looking at Caleb for an explanation to his sudden interruption of their tryst. Looking down at his feet, he appeared torn in his decision and she watched as his drew a long deep breath. _Preparing himself for the brush-off_, Lou imagined. She really wasn't ready for any more rejection.

"Caleb…" Her voice shaking, almost pleading. She _needed_ this.

"Ah Lou…" Caleb interrupted, sounding defeated. "It's not that I don't want to; _believe _me. It's just I don't think this is what _you_ really want – or need. I shouldn't have let it get that far, it wasn't fair on you. I'm real sorry about that". Pausing for a moment as if to collect his thoughts, or maybe some courage.

"If this is what you really want..." Caleb continued, gesturing between them with his hands, "Then I will be waiting for you 'til you're good an' ready. No pressure, just friends - unless you say otherwise."

As he started to button his shirt back up, he was watching Lou carefully. He had decided against bolting out the door, even though he felt the need to. Caleb was aware she would feel rejected and that wasn't his intention. He really respected Lou and didn't feel right about taking advantage of her vulnerable state of mind. He felt awful. He wanted to be sure she was okay before leaving her on her own.

"Actually, you're right" Lou said after regaining her composure, "I don't know what I was thinking." She added while looking pointedly towards the door, giving Caleb the hint to leave. She felt remorse as she watched him leave. Caleb had done the right thing for her, he had been pretty sweet if she were honest and in return she had been abrupt and harsh. She felt her emotions getting the better of her as tears lingered at the brim of her eyes, threatening to fall.

She cleared up the evidence of papers strewn over the floor as guilt ate away at her conscience. Not only did she feel bad for Caleb but she felt a strange sort of unfaithfulness towards Peter and the children. That perhaps it was too soon to be with someone else. How could she feel so impassioned and rejuvenated when her family was in such turmoil. It felt wrong to Lou, she had to put her family's needs first. Her mind was made up. Wiping her damp eyes, she walked out the barn – with her head held high.

The following morning Lou felt in higher spirits. Having made the decision to concentrate on her family healing gave her an incentive. Her shoulders felt like a weight had been lifted. Picking up her morning coffee Lou decided to take it outside and enjoy the fresh country air. She could see Jack and Amy both already working away in their respective tasks. Admiring the familiar scenery was therapeutic. She loved her home and moments like these she could really appreciate the tranquillity of a place like Heartland. Lou felt an inner peace she hadn't felt for quite some time, she was beginning to feel more centred.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it?" Lisa said as she came out to join Lou. She smiled warmly as she sat down armed with coffee for herself and another for Lou, which she graciously accepted, nodding in agreement.

"If you don't mind my saying Lou, you seem more like yourself today" Lisa added tentatively.

"I guess you could say I had one of those defining moments last night" Replied Lou as she watched Caleb's truck pull up near the barn. "I woke up with a renewed sense of self" She continued, turning back to face Lisa.

"I see..." Added Lisa with a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"Lisa!" Gasped Lou, in embarrassment. Hoping no-one overheard or could see her cheeks burning red. "That's not what I meant…oh no Lisa! Whatever you think happened... didn't - nothing happened, nothing at all." Cringed Lou, knowing the game was up and as she suspected yesterday - Lisa knew.

"Lou..." Lisa spoke softly as she touched Lou's arm, "I'm not judging you. Caleb is a very likeable young man. With everything you've gone through with Peter it's understandable that you'd want to be around someone who makes you feel good about yourself, there's no shame in that."

Lou had to admit to herself she was entirely surprised by Lisa's reaction, she fully expected to be condemned, not by Lisa as such but by any members of her family. She could fully imagine the judgements thrown her way and speaking to Lisa she now found herself completely taken-aback.

"Thank you Lisa. I'm just not sure what I am doing any more, what I'm supposed to be doing, or not doing as the case may be…" Lou admitted.

"But there's nothing between Caleb and myself." Lou added, with a smile thinking of Lisa's kind words, though she couldn't help but feel a little sad inside at the _rea__l_ truth of the matter.


	10. Chapter 10

The phone began to ring so Lou went inside to answer, hoping that it might be Georgie calling with an update of the girl's trip to Vancouver. Georgie would usually call at Katie's bedtime so that she could say goodnight to Lou and they would tell her what they'd been up to. She didn't expect a morning call but Lou was excited at the thought of hearing their voices, she missed them sorely.

"Hey Lou, It's Peter"

"Are the girls okay?" Asked Lou, feeling a wave of dread wash over her.

"They are fine Lou don't worry, that's not my reason for calling. I had hoped to talk to you about this in person but I thought it might be better for you to have time to digest the news before the girls are home."

"What is it Peter?" Lou could feel herself getting agitated at his long drawing out of whatever he had to say.

"I'm seeing someone else Lou, her name is…" He tried to say before Lou cut him off.

"What the hell Peter? Seriously? It's been only 2 weeks and you have replaced me already? Didn't I mean anything to you?!" Lou spat at him with venom in her tone. She was livid. "And I couldn't care less what she's called!"

"Lou please try to calm down" Peter injected.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, you don't tell me to do anything anymore! She better not have been around my kids, I mean it Peter! I honestly can't believe you, I mean, I suspected but 2 weeks? I just… I need to know, did you cheat on me?" Lou felt a relief to get that question off her chest as it had been plaguing her mind since Peter left.

"I was never unfaithful to you Lou, as I recall it, _you_ were the one kissing someone else" Peter added with spite.

The anger that flowed through her veins was at exploding point, before she said anything she would regret, Lou hung up the phone on him. She was shaking with adrenaline from trying to contain her rage as she heard the door open. Having completely forgotten she had left Lisa outside on the porch.

"Hey Lou, sorry I can come back later if this is a bad time?" Hesitated Caleb.

"Its fine Caleb, come in" Replied Lou waving him into the kitchen.

"It's just Lisa wanted to see Jack and I felt like a third wheel. Thought I'd refuel in here but if I'd realised you were in I would've just headed to Maggie's to give you space" He explained.

"It's fine" Lou repeated trying to hold herself together.

"Not to be rude Lou but everything does not seem fine, what's up?" Asked Caleb with genuine concern. "Georgie and Katie okay?" He prompted.

"Yes, yes they are. It's Peter… he… he…"

Lou's lips quivered, unable to form any more words as she finally broke. Before the first tear could fall from her eyes, Caleb enveloped her in his arms. Lou was grateful, she needed his strength right now to hold her together while she fell apart. She was freely crying into Caleb's shoulder, she could feel his shirt becoming wet from all her tears.

"Peter, he…." Lou couldn't bring herself to say it.

"It's okay Lou, you don't need to tell me right now" Caleb stroked her hair as he spoke calmly. "Just know that I'm here if you need me, whatever it is" he added, kissing the top of her head as if to confirm it.

Lou appreciated Caleb's support and even when her tears slowed down, she let him hold her a bit longer. She felt safe in his arms - protected. She was reluctant to face reality by stepping outside his embrace back into the "real world". A place where she was replaced so easily and brushed aside like she never mattered. Around Caleb however, she felt cherished.

"Peter has someone else." Lou admitted at last.

Unsure what to say in response, Caleb held her a little tighter and soothingly said "It'll be okay" into her hair.

Caleb gently broke their closeness but still keeping their connection with an arm around her as he led her to the sofa. Lou sat down, following Caleb's cue, she had no energy to disagree. She didn't want to argue, she wanted him to stay close to her. He wrapped the throw around Lou's shoulders before he finally spoke.

"Stay here and I will fix you something hot to drink, keep the blanket on as you're shivering" He instructed. "I think you might be in shock".

Caleb came back from the kitchen holding coffee and crouched in front of Lou to pass it to her. He touched her knee softly with his hand to gain her attention,

"I can go now if you'd like a moment to yourself" Caleb offered.

Lou shook her head, "Stay" she replied as she clasped her hand on top of Caleb's.

"Just what in tarnation is going on in here?!" Exclaimed Jack.


	11. Chapter 11

"It's not what it looks like Jack" declared Caleb, while Lou snatched her hand away from his.

"And just what might that be?" Jack asked with a hint of accusation in his tone.

Lou sniffled as she felt her emotions begin to overwhelm her again, she didn't need a lecture or judgement right now. She just wanted to feel normal again. Caleb's hand was still placed on her knee, reassuringly. He looked into Lou's eyes to gauge her disposition and he knew instinctively what she needed.

"It's okay Lou I will handle this" he said kindly, while standing to face both Jack and Lisa, who had come in behind him.

Before Jack had an opportunity to say any more, Caleb ushered them into the kitchen away from Lou's earshot.

"Do I have to remind you what I said about staying away from my grand-daughters?" Jack spat while begrudgingly going along with Caleb's request.

Raising his hands in protest, Caleb continued, "I know, I know but this isn't about me, it's about Peter"

"What's happened with Peter?" Asked Lisa, hoping to keep the conversation on the right track.

"Lou says that he's seeing someone else" Explained Caleb, "and I came in to find Lou upset, that's all that you saw" He added, gesturing to the other room.

"He's what?!" Roared Jack, "That no good…"

"Jack... why don't we go out for lunch today?" Interrupted Lisa.

"Now's not the time for gallivanting Lis'. We should be here for Lou" Jack retorted.

"I think Caleb has that handled for now." Smiling in approval towards Caleb, "Lou doesn't need us all hovering around her fussing and making things worse" Replied Lisa persuasively

"Alright… but just know I'm watching _you_" Jack said while eyeing Caleb suspiciously.

Caleb wasn't sure what to make of all that. He was aware that Jack had been questioning his interest in Lou before her separation from Peter had happened. However it was Lisa that surprised him the most, she seemed to sense something and appeared to be trying to take Jack out of the way. He shrugged to himself and went through to check on Lou.

"Hey…" He said softly on approaching the sofa trying not to startle her.

"Where's Grampa and Lisa?" Asked Lou quietly.

"They've gone out for something to eat, Lisa seemed keen to get Jack out the house" He explained.

Lou laughed a small laugh to herself, she must thank Lisa later. She really did understand what she needed right now.

"Do you still want some company?" Caleb enquired, as Lou nodded in response.

He sat down next to Lou on the sofa and lifted his arm to place around her to give her more comfort. As he did this Lou moved lower and curled up, laying her head in his lap, still wrapped in the blanket he gave her. Lou closed her eyes, while Caleb mindlessly stroked her hair. It wasn't long before she drifted asleep as Caleb watched over her, content she was finally getting some peace.

When Lou finally opened her eyes, she wasn't sure how much time had passed. She was disorientated, unsure where she was for a moment. Rubbing her eyes to try wake herself up and readjust her focus, she saw she was in her bedroom. She had no recollection of how she got there. The last thing Lou remembered was Jack and Lisa walking in on Caleb comforting her, the rest was hazy. She felt both mentally and physically drained. She considered getting up to see who was around and find out what happened but she just couldn't summon the energy, or if she were honest, the want.

What would she even say to Jack? She could still see his face when he saw her with Caleb on the sofa. If a picture was worth a thousand words, the image of her Grampa said a million more, all of them were a colourful version "no".

Although she knew nothing had actually happened in that moment other than Caleb consoling her, it was the feelings bubbling beneath the surface that Lou was worried about. _That_ she knew would disappoint her Grampa. He wouldn't understand, not like Lisa had done previously. He would disapprove for certain.

Those feelings were getting too close for comfort, reaching out and spilling out into the open all too often. Lisa had already figured it out and now Jack was catching on too. Hadn't she decided last night that she was concentrating on her family not Caleb? Didn't her attachment to Caleb make her just as bad as Peter? Lou's mind was spinning in frustration, nothing was simple any more.

She had felt happier this morning, more alive than she had in such a long time - that was until Peter dropped his bombshell. It stung. She had an incline that this was going to come down the line, that he had someone waiting in the wings, but that didn't make the shock any less painful. She was certain that she didn't want Peter back now, she had began to see being apart was the best option overall. Before he left her, Lou had wondered if he was the right man for her and now she could see he clearly wasn't. She wanted someone to love her so much they wouldn't contemplate another and in turn she wanted to love someone equally so. On reflection, that was not her and Peter. He now had _what's-her-name_ and Caleb had turned her head pretty easily too. That was not the makings of a strong relationship, a marriage or a family.

The big question was, what should Lou do now? Peter had moved on, was she ready to do the same?


End file.
